On being defeated and overcoming

I’ve been feeling defeated lately (could be cause of my wanting the better for everyone nature) because I couldn’t think of how to reach the people that needed to be reached. I don’t want to preach betterment for those that need the help, I actually want to do something that could potentially help. I don’t live in the richest area, but its not the poorest either. Its somewhere in the middle, but non the less the majority of people here and surrounding have access to ok public education, there are private schools and specialty schools, we have drug dealers but they aren’t in the opening, and low-income housing is livable and presentable. Non the less this area is a good starting point but its not the area where most people would grow up and feel like there is no hope for progression. There is no escape. The only way of life drugs (selling or using) or prostitution, gangs run down building and a majority of people being murdered in violent ways. I’m tired of hearing that people born into this life choose to continue living it, they choose to stay in the ghettos, they choose their lack of education, and everything else that people say because I feel how could you choose something you don’t know how to escape. Yes they could get to college or vocational school, yes they can choose not to use drugs, violence, and join gangs, but how can you do that when all you see is no hope. We are always ready to judge someone whose situation is worse then ours. There’s always an exception to the rule, but how can you blame someone that has grown up knowing nothing else or being taught that is all that is available TO THEM! I’m not saying they don’t know about doctors, plumbers, beauticians etc, they don’t realize its achievable FOR THEM. I believe they have to be taught hope (as well as academic stuff) as a child. Yes we can blame the parents, but we forget that the parents were once children too and this is cycle. They can’t teach what they don’t know and that goes for everything. So children learn what they see and they can become what they learned as a child. Certain things stick with a child. My mom remembers a teacher telling a black girl in her southern elementary class that she couldn’t be a nurse when she grew up. It wasn’t said to my mom, but she remembered it. If it wasn’t for the certain teachers and college prep counselor in high school I honestly don’t think I would of made it too college. My parents didn’t know about getting to college. They didn’t know about A-G requirements, extra curricular activities, college essays, AP credit, and financial aid. It was you go to school, get good grades, you graduate and you automatically qualify for college. So beyond not true! I honestly didn’t learn that not everyone does the A-G requirement until I was about 23! I thought it was the high school graduation requirement for all those years. I almost didn’t get financial aid because my mom didn’t understand why they needed her SSN and tax info when I was the one going and I was working and by all other means independent. I couldn’t explain it cause I didn’t know at that time either. I was told by a college counselor that I wouldn’t be able to transfer into CSUEB from the community college although I tried to explain I use to go to SJSU. If I qualified to go there as a freshman, why couldn’t I go to CSUEB with more college credit than a freshman when I was accepted there as a freshman? Turns out I could and I did. I say all that to say we all are ignorant about something, even the people that work for the education system that are there to help you. Now going back, if you are not being shown the way and you don’t know enough to find your way or that there even is a way how can you be expected to change your situation. In order to make a choice you have to know there are things to choose from. I will still have people argue with me that its their choice and that’s your opinion. This is mine. I finally have an idea of how I would like to help. It may or it may not, but at least I will have felt i have done something besides just talk about it. Not saying what, but just keep watch in the next few years.


The Definition of Bitch

Definition of BITCH

1. The female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

2. A lewd or immoral woman

b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

3. something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant


I’ve seen a trend in the ignorance of our generation when it comes to the use of derogatory terms in a positive way. Terms such as Swagger (conducting oneself in an arrogant, superciliously pompous manner; to force by argument or threat) and bitch (like in bad bitch) have become a part of regular vocabulary. It wouldn’t bug me as much if it was widely know the exact English definition of these words, but adults in the media are teaching our children and young adults that its ok be called and to call yourself derogatory terms. The term that bothers me the most is young ladies referring to themselves or even worse allow others to refer to them as a bitch. Continue reading

To My Baby Bear On Her 5th Birthday

I can’t believe today your 5.  You’ve grown so much and have learned so much more,  You are truly an amazing, one of a kind, child.  I’ve a so blessed to have a child that is as compassionate, adventurous  brave, tough and silly as you are.  You have such a loving heart and you are definitely mommy’s cuddle button.  I love how you look out for others, your always the one to notice the “lost” child in the store and demand we find their mommy (which I always agree).  I’ll admit my heart pounds heavy on the inside when you climb all the way to the top of the “big kid” jungle gym; you are so brave and adventurous. Continue reading

“Apology to the black woman” A response

Today I read an article by Nojma Muhammad titled “An open letter of apology to black men in hopes of reconciliation” on the site thyblackman.com. Initially it saddened me, although I admit there were a few valid points I sympathized with. I was saddened by the way they were expressed, as if the black woman was to blame for the plights of the black man. The black women is the foundation, the base and the support system of the black family. She ties and binds the family together. The black man is the head of the home and he leads. The best way to break a structure and destroy it is to break the foundation, the base in which it stands; the black woman. Continue reading

Am I deciding?!?

As I read Richard Leiders “Are you deciding on Purpose”, one statement stood out to me. Leider stated, “An event will trigger a change, but instead of taking time for reflection, they go back out into the world. And what they find is …the same kind of situation that didn’t work for them before…and typically, you blame the world for these bad experiences, rather than doing self-reflection or finding some coaching to break the pattern.” (p.g 4 section #6) Continue reading

Intelligence is Nothing Without Creativity

I love watching my youngest play when she’s by herself.  I think how wonderful it must be to be her.  She is full of productive creativity and imagination.  She turns everyday objects into things of excitement and wonder.  A Caprisun box becomes a ride-on car, a laundry basket into a doll house, and my shoe into a car for her dolls.  She plays dress up with paper dresses, towels, and just about whatever else she can wrap around her waist.  The characters she see’s on TV are real to her.  They are her friends.  She scolds Swiper, Continue reading


I lay on the sofa staring at the ceiling while my eldest rolled around all over me ( she’s three).  I lay, thinking, with the happy giggles of her made up game slowly fading into the background as my mind consumed my private thoughts.  I think back to those past moments when I’d get those quick urges to run as long as I could or drive as far as I could.  Into places that are new and undiscovered by me.  Continue reading